Journal of Benjamin Farrow
Quinn still hasn’t gotten back to me. Either my internet kicked out again or she thinks I’ve cracked. Kind of hoping it’s the second one. I’m sitting in my motel room with all the lights on and the deadbolt drawn. Obviously I can’t sleep. And my stomach hurts again. I feel like dog shit.
Just got to sort out my feelings. Write things down. Figure it out. Things are never as scary as you feel like they are in the moment. It’s normal to be freaked out, Ben. It’s ok. It’s normal to be scared. Deep breaths. Ok.
What did I see? Objectively what did I see?
I left the winter garden and crossed the foyer as quietly as I could. Just before I reached the main doors I felt sensed movement to my right, from the grand spiral staircase. I looked.
I saw a large figure coming down the stairs from the second floor. Definitely solid, definitely real. That lines up with what I already knew - I was sneaking out because I heard someone walking around upstairs. Alarming, but not spooky.
This person had my build and hair. They were also wearing an outfit similar to mine, including a sweater that looked exactly like the one Quinn’s partner made for me last Christmas. I didn’t see their face. I saw the sweater and I ran for it. Didn’t look back, got in the car, and drove away.
Looking back I’m kind of ashamed? IDK. Why am I so scared of seeing someone who just looked like me? Took me by surprise, maybe. Objectively that’s all I saw. Nothing really to go on.
What I saw doesn’t match up at all with how I felt. I keep remembering that letter from Hazel Lawley to Castile Madigan. “I am not given to spells of unfounded terror, but, for no reason at all, the hairs rose on the back of my neck.” The fact she couldn’t articulate why she was afraid didn’t make her feel any better.
I don’t feel any better. I feel sick. Like vertigo and dread. Like there’s something right behind me even though I have my back pressed against the headboard.
God, I need the sun to come up. I need it to be day again.
I really don’t know if I can go back to the house.
Have to stay objective. Ok. Is there an actual threat to my safety? No. Probably not. That person is almost definitely gone by now. They were leaving when I was trying to sneak out. So probably a hiker or an urban explo
I’m throwing up again. Going to go to a pharmacy in the morning and get a thermometer. No way I’m leaving the room right now.
I can’t do this. I’m going to get in touch with Mark.