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Mostly I'm just tired, honestly. Simon's fever was up and down all day and then he practically threw a fit over soup and I'm just. Kind of done, you know?
And Ben is being cagey with me again. I can tell something's up with him but he won't tell me what it is. And he's sick, too, if you can believe it. Maybe sicker than he's letting on. I haven't heard from him since day before yesterday and he's supposed to check in every night.
Please don't dismiss me like that? I know he's "all grown up" and all that, I know he can take care of himself, I just. I can tell stuff's going on that he's not telling me about, and I'm not exactly in a position where I can hop on a plane and actually go check on him.
And it's not just that. Mark is being a GIANT asshole and Jane Madigan won't get back to me and I'm feeling really, really overwhelmed and stressed right now because no one is communicating with anyone else. I feel like I'm the only one holding this whole project together and it SUCKS.
Simon just fell sleep on my legs and if I make any noise he'll be up for the next six hours. I'm good with email for now.
Remember a few years ago when Ben got REALLY into Assassin's Creed and he wouldn't shut up about "historical accuracy" and "video games as art" and you had to talk him out of getting "Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted" tattooed on his thigh? I feel like he might be doing that again. Like, hyperfixating. And I'm just a little nervous bc there's no one to stop him tattooing stupid shit on himself this time. This is the first real project he's had in years, and I know he's coming out of a major depression, and I'm worried he's going to overdo it.
Like. Yeah. I know he's an adult. But I've known him since he was 15 and he's always gonna be kind of a little brother to me, you know? I'm the one who sent him out there in the first place and I kNOW his decision-making isn't always the best, and if something happens to him I'll never forgive myself.
He's a dumbass but he's our dumbass. I get it.
For what it's worth, my totally faultless intuition says he's fine. It also says that you're doing a great job, Mark is a fucking asshole, and you're right, and your feelings are valid, and I love you. I can try and give Ben a call if you want? IDK what good it would do. Share the load, maybe?
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